dealing with the loss of a loved one.


I've never had to cope with losing someone, someone that you love so dearly you couldn't imagine a life without them in it. well here I am, coping.

Last month on May 18th my boyfriend lost his dad. I thought nothing could possibly get worse than that, but the following night on May 19th my granddad passed away also. Both losses were never expected and I think that's why i'm still in shock. I can't help but think about the heartache I felt those nights every day since. I never imagined the day I'd lose one important person in my life, let alone two in such a short space of time.

I feel like no matter what I say in this post I won't ever be able to write exactly what i'm feeling because it is quite honestly indescribable. I hate looking back onto both those nights, they're still so fresh in my mind almost like it all happened yesterday. I couldn't sleep for what felt like forever, there was so much going on in my head and dealing with the reality of everything that had happened was keeping me up at night. It's exhausting when you lose someone. You feel like you can't breathe. You feel numb.

My grandad was one of the most important people in the entire world to me. I've always been close to him ever since I was a little girl and I never imagined the day that he would be taken away from me. He was a truly wonderful man with a heart full of gold. He used to try teaching me how to play guitar, something that I thought I wanted to get into again a few months ago. I remember one Christmas he bought me three old Audrey Hepburn movies because he remembered me telling him that I loved her, I gave him a big hug and told him I would watch Breakfast at Tiffany's that night, I have since then always classed that as one of my absolute favourite films and will now always remind me of him. I guess in some ways I consider myself very similar to my granddad, I think he's where I get my love for old jazz and rock n' roll music from. His memory will live on in my heart forever and I hope to make him proud of everything I accomplish throughout the rest of my life. He is and always will remain a light in my life and I'd give anything to just have one last hug and conversation with him.

We all have to cope when we lose someone that we love, but coping is a strange concept. I don't think you ever really get over it. You just have to live with it as best as you can and live each day as you usually would. We regret things like not making the effort to see them as much or we point out silly things that we should of done, but life can't be reversed and all you can do is live each day with love and show those around you how much you care about them.

If someone close to you loses someone that they love all you can do is be there in their time of need to comfort them however they may need it and although you might feel like you're doing nothing, you're doing a lot more than you think by just simply being there by their side and offering kind words and comfort. Everything is unpredictable, no one really knows how to "handle" the suffering that comes with loss. The sadness, the anxiety, the heartbreak and mostly the unknown. It's daunting, but somehow we have to manage.

The night my boyfriends dad passed, I didn't know what to do. I felt so hopeless and that I wasn't doing enough to be there and comfort him in such a traumatic time. I understand now that although I still want to help him through his heartbreak as much as I possibly can, I will still be here to offer support whenever he may need it at whatever time, no matter what and that's the best thing I can do.

"The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal yourself and will rebuild yourself around the loss you've suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to."

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